“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people?If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10 NIV
This was a tough one for me. For so long I was so broken and I saw so little value in myself that the only way I felt valuable was if I made someone else feel good. It was often interpreted as having a heart for service. In reality, I was so uncomfortable with myself that I tried to earn approval through service.
I was often elevated to a leadership role quickly because of my administrative talents. Others were more than willing to quickly offload administrative responsibilities to me. It appeared easy and effortless for me. However, for me, it was an easy way to hide and not deal with my own issues.
I came to a place with God where I couldn’t play church any longer. He shut down every channel I pursued and then finally called me into a period of being still. During that time God began to deal with my heart. It was a deepening of my reliance on Him to take care of my heart instead of a counterfeit fix. It was an intimate encounter. It was like heart surgery. Some old dead parts were removed, others were restored and there was some rebirth too.
On the other side of it was freedom. More boldness. I became sturdier and more confident in my relationship with God.
God, show me where I rely on others for approval instead of you. Show me how to depend on You for approval and no one else.
2 Corinthians 12:19, 1 Thessalonians 2:4