“When it counts, I want to be found belonging to Him, not clinging to my own righteousness based on law, but actively relying on the faithfulness of the Anointed One. This is true righteousness, supplied by God, acquired by faith.” Philippians 3:9 The Voice
Learning to set boundaries and getting rid of judgment and comparison is hard work. Setting boundaries is not casting judgment. They are very different from each other. Judgment is forming a critical opinion of self or others. Setting a boundary is more about understanding and holding fast to what you know you need. It has less to do with others and more to do with valuing self.
The following bullet points are borrowed from Dr. Henry Cloud’s “Boundaries for the Teenager.” Here I am in my 50’s and still learning! We’re never too old to learn, right? It’s a journey. A process.
How to Move from Stuckness to Success
- Determine what you want versus what others want from you
- Write what you want to happen
- Say “no” to the good and “yes” to the right
- Have difficult conversations with people who are operating against you
It’s not always clear when someone is operating against you because it can be subtle. You say “no” and they press for a “maybe.” You give an inch and they take a mile. You give a deadline and they can never seem to respect it. It begins to erode your personal space in a way that sneaks up sometimes. Before you know it, it’s the situation of: what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is yours. It becomes muddy and unclear where one person’s space begins and the other person’s space ends. It can be messy and muddy and hard to unwind.
It all starts with the word “no.” It can feel uncomfortable at first. It doesn’t have to be angry or ill-tempered or loud. It can be a simple “no” that will not work for me. “No” that is not what I said. “No” that is not what I asked for. “No” I cannot do that. It’s liberating to stake out your personal space and nurture it as God’s garden! He will tell you when to say “yes” to the right thing. His things. Okay, so let’s go reclaim our personal space and find our “no!”
Father, forgive me for minimizing You and Your design. I am so grateful for Your love! I am so grateful that You have my hand. Do not let me forget. Help me trust You more.